I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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