And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize