forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
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This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize