I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
