we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
