Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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