I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
