yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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