Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize