my phone needs a breathalizer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
