the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
