I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
