and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
