I CAN MOONWALK!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and she was petting her beer can
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
