She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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