I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
