Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
