Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone came in the potted fern
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
