White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
