the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
