just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
