My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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