Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
