I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let's paint friendship bongs
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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