was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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