and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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