You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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