im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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