Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
