I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
