Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
