i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
