I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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