he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
