Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
