Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
