i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
