you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
