Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
