is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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