I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
