a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
