fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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