Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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