Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
