hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize