omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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