So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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