Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
