so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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