i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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