I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
