I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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