My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
