Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And then he peed in my hair
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
