what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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