the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
