So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
