Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
