are you still at the devil's house?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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