I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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