oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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