is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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