I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
