Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
