Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
