I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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