i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
