he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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