her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
