i think i have two assholes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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