dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
