these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
