remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
